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Friday, January 26, 2007

God's design for Sex

In case you haven’t heard, Apple – the maker of the iPod, released an iPhone this month. This phone looks awesome and has tons of cool gadgets (goto www.apple.com to look at it). Not only is it an iPod and a phone, but you can also check your email, browse the web and it has an awesome camera. I was so pumped, then I realized that it is only being offered with Cingular for a few years. I have Verizon.

Well, since I couldn’t use the iPhone for a while, I figured that I could use my phone as kind of an iPhone. Then I looked at my phone and realized I couldn’t do half the things with it that I could do with an iPhone. I couldn’t browse the web the same, easy way. I couldn’t listen to songs like I could if I had an iPhone. I can even check my email. Dang, I began to wonder what good is this thing?!?

Then I realized, I can’t use this phone as an iPhone because it wasn’t designed to do the functions that an iPhone can. The purpose of my phone is to make calls, text message people and take some silly pictures. The purpose of an iPhone is to enable you to combine all your multi-media capabilities into one gadget.

In the same way, sex was designed by God for a specific intent. He created it with a specific goal in mind.

So, right now, I want to examine what that purpose is for and how we can benefit from it.

Scripture

What is God’s plan for sex?

Genesis 1:28 – “God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the seas and the births of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Mark 10:6-9 – “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

What do these verses say about God’s design for sex?

That sex is designed for procreation and it is for a man and woman in marriage. It says to be fruitful and multiply and that the two will become one; that the man will be united with his wife.
If you think it is unclear how God feels about sex being in the context of marriage only, I believe that it is even more telling how God feels about sex by looking what is not accepted.
• Galatians 5:19, 21 – “The acts of sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;…and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God”
• Matthew 5:27-28 – “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with his in his heart.”

What is being said here?

That acts like sexual immorality, impurity, lust, adultery and orgies are not accepted behavior and you won’t inherit the kingdom of God if you are doing those things.

Why are these things no apart of God’s plan for sex?

Because they are not in the context of marriage – of a husband and wife being together.

God designed sex to be great and wonderful – but in the context of marriage. It isn’t because he doesn’t want you to have fun and experience this great and wonderful thing. It is because you will benefit most and suffer the least when you have sex based on God’s design.

Application

When we have sex as part of God’s design/plan, how do we benefit?
• You experience true intimacy – true oneness with your spouse
• You live a life without regret. You don’t have to feel sorry about what you did with other boyfriends or girlfriends.

When we have sex apart from God’s design/plan, how do we suffer?
• Loss of trust and intimacy with your spouse
• Not to mention that you have to worry about the things we talked about last week – pregnancies and STDs

God’s design and benefits are clear. We must strive to abstain from sex until we are married.

When we do this, we honor ourselves, our significant other and God. Remember what I said last week, sex doesn’t = love. Sex is an act of intimacy with our spouse, not an act of lust.

You can show love in so many ways. My couples small group that Pedro and I are involved in are reading a book called “the 5 Love Languages”. In it are 5 ways that people receive and give love. They are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Sex is apart of the Physical Touch category. However, so is a hug, holding hands, or a kiss –just to name a few. You can express physical touch without having sex. In fact, the author makes it clear that the physical touch of sex is for marriage only.

But look at the other ways you can express love to someone.

Instead of having premarital sex, why not show love by spending quality time together – go do something fun in which it is just the 2 of you hanging out. Go buy your “significant other” a nice gift or do something really nice for them unexpected.

These are all ways you can express love to the person you are dating. You don’t need to have sex with them to show them love.

So, based on God’s design for sex, what can you take away from this message? Where is the application?

In the business world, there is a phrase, “Think outside the box”. Thinking outside the box is a cliché used to refer to looking at a problem from a new perspective without preconceptions.

That is what I want you all to do. I want you to think outside the box in regards to premarital sex. Obviously, God’s design for sex is in the context of marriage. However, everyone else is telling you to have as much sex as you want. Everything you watch or listen to is telling you that sex is a natural part of a loving relationship. Since we know that not to be true, we have to think outside the box.

This week, I want you to think of ways that you can express love to your significant other without having sex with them. Make a list – whether you are dating someone now or not, you can still do this activity. Remember, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts and acts of service are all ways you can express love to someone.

Let’s think outside the box for this. You love life will benefit from it.

Pray

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Debunking Myths about Sex

Opening Questions

There certain words that once you say these words, you get an immediate reaction – people have a strong reaction to – either good or bad. For instance, when I say President Bush, what do you say? When I say Dallas Cowboys what comes to mind? Lastly, when I say "High School Musical", what do you say?

See, these are all words that you all had a strong opinion about.

What about the word sex? What do you think of?

This month we are going to talk about sex. More specifically, we are going to talk about drawing the lines – how far is too far, what if you have gone too far already – where do you go now, and about God’s plan for sex – what his design for it is.

Today, however, we are going to talk about myths about sex. I’m going to be the myth buster about some of the things you have heard or just assume about sex.

As I have said before, everyday you all make decisions that will dramatically impact your life. Whether you have sex or not is one of those very important decisions. So, today, I want to make sure that you all have the facts about sex and some of the things you have heard or assumed about sex.

Scripture

So, let’s get right into it.

Myth #1: Everyone is having Sex
• Now, there are plenty of people having sex – an alarming number of people actually.
• But it isn’t everyone – you aren’t alone if you haven’t.
• I didn’t and I know plenty of others who didn’t and won’t until they are married
• The key is to find others who aren’t and encourage each other to abstain
• When you have friends helping you, reaffirming your reasons and desire to abstain, then it makes abstaining easier
• And, it makes you feel like you aren’t alone. Trust me, you aren’t alone.


Myth #2: Sex is a natural part of a loving relationship
• Who said this? Seth and Summer from “the OC”? MTV? I remember a 90210 episode where Brenda was freaking out about Prom because she knew she was going to have to have sex with Dylan. What? Where does it say that in the prom handbook?
• Just because you have been dating for a month, 6 months or even longer, that means you have to have sex? WRONG!
• My relationship with Anne, before marriage, never involved sex. Yet, we still got married – imagine that. We had tons of fun together, realized that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and got married. Did sex ever come up – no, because Anne and I both knew that we wanted our wedding night to be special for each other. We respected each other enough to wait for that night and the rest of our lives.
• Even before Anne, I dated a variety of people. Never once was sex an issue.
• Why? Because sex doesn’t equal love. 1 Corinthians 13 is a whole chapter on love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
o What are some characteristics of love here? Patient, kind, doesn’t envy, doesn’t boast, isn’t proud, rude or self-seeking. Love protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. It never fails
o It says things like, Love is patient, love is kind. Does it say love is sex? No, It doesn’t.

Sex = intimacy. It doesn’t = love.

Now, just because Seth and Summer have sex regularly enough on “the OC” doesn’t mean that their relationship will last any longer than a relationship that doesn’t involve sex.

In fact, sex in a relationship probably complicates matters more and make relationships not last. Then, you have to worry about pregnancies, STDs, AIDS.

That leads perfectly into Myth #3

Myth #3: Sex makes life better

I’m sure every guy thinks this – I know I did. If I could have sex, just once – my life would be so much better.

• Do STDs/AIDs make life better?
• Do teenage pregnancies make life better?
• Does guilt and regret make life better?
• Does the emotional let down make life better when you break up with your guy or girl?
• Does trying to restore a reputation make life better? As you know, once you have been labeled as something, it is hard to change that label. Look at me, everyone things I go to bed early every night – 8 or 9 o’clock. When in reality, I go to bed between 10 & 11 every night.

The Truth is that sex makes life more difficult. You have to worry about STDs, pregnancies, guilt and restoring a lost reputation, if you don’t wait until marriage.

Myth #4: God doesn’t want you to enjoy life, so you can’t have sex

The truth is that God created sex. He created Eve to be Adam’s companion and to procreate. To procreated, you need to have sexual relations. So, God created sex and all that he has created is good (ref. Genesis 1). If God didn’t want you to have sex, he would have figure out a different way for us to procreate.

God wants you to have sex in the right context – in the context of marriage.

Now, we aren’t going to get much into this, as we will be talking about it next week, but, in the right context, Sex is great. That context is marriage. In the wrong context, sex should be refrained from – that is sex outside of marriage. Whether it is premarital sex or an affair, those sexual relations should be refrained from.

But the idea that God doesn’t want you to enjoy life so he is taking away sex is wrong. He created it and he wants you to enjoy it – as long as it is in the right context.

Application

As I close, a verse comes to mind.

1 Corinthians 10:23"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.

You may think that sex is permissible – that it is ok because you see so many others doing it. The problem though, is that, in a premarital or extramarital situation, it isn’t beneficial or constructive:
• The fear of STDs, AIDS, pregnancies, wrecked relationships, emotional damage when you and the one you had sex with break up – you gave away something special.

The question is, where are you getting your information about sex from? Where are you learning about it? From movies like American Pie or TV show like the OC? Even though we know that these movies and TV shows are not real, the sad thing is that they are implying that in the “real world” these things happen all the time – premarital sex, sex with teachers, sex with your friends parents. The list can go on and on.

Unfortunately for us, we are constantly being exposed to these kinds of lies I just outlined as we watch tons of movies, see lots of shows and listen to a lot of music.

I want to caution you that just because you saw it in the movies or on TV, or just because you heard it on the radio, doesn’t mean that it is right.

You have to clothe yourself with the truth about sex. Not because I don’t want you to have fun or God is against you, but because when you start having sex now, you are changed forever.

The good news, though, is that God has a plan – he has a perfect design for sex. As I said before, God created it, and next week we are going to look in depth at what God’s design for sex is and how we can full experience all the greatness of sex.

But my challenge for you all this week is to go home and open up the Bible and see what God’s plan is. If you have a Bible, go and look up sex and sexuality in the Bible of the Bible (either in the dictionary or in the concordance). If you don’t have a Bible, go online, type in NIV online bible. Once you go to that, search sex and see what verses come up.

Go home, find out what God’s plan is and come back next week as we go into it further. In fact, bring a friend next week and the rest of January because we are talking about sex.

Pray

Friday, January 05, 2007

Prison Break

Around this time of year, people talk about resolutions and how they are going to change their life for the better. It makes sense, new year, new desire to perform better.

Wouldn’t it be cool, though, if people made resolutions to be worse off. “This year, I’m going to strive to fail all my classes” or “This year, I hope I can get fired so I can spend more time with my pet turtle” or even “This year, I’m going to gain 100 pounds”

Just kidding, but seriously, that wouldn’t be very good to strive to be worse off. It’s good to set goals and standards to better yourself. However, we won’t be talking about that today. Strive to better yourselves on your own time. This morning, we are going to talk about an opportunity for a prison break. That’s right, forget this God thing, I’m going to talk about breaking out of prison. Again, just kidding. But seriously, there is a direct correlation between God and breaking out of prison. What is that correlation?

To get to that correlation, I’m curious:
• What person comes to mind when you think of the word freedom? Why?
• When you think of a person in prison, what do you think of? Try to be appropriate.
• Can you be free and still be a prisoner? If so, how?

I believe that we are all prisoners to something in our life – we are held captive by someone, some thing in our lives. This morning, we are going to examine what we are held captive by and who can save us from this prison.

Scripture

Before I get to read my 1st selection, I want to clarify 2 terms that you will hear me say. When it talks about “perishable”, it is talking about our “earthly bodies”. When it talks about “imperishable”, it is talking about our “heavenly bodies”

Read 1 Corinthians 15:54-58
1. Where does death get its power?
2. Who gives us victory?
3. How did he give us victory?

Death gets its power from sin. Death wants to consume and utterly destroy us. Makes sense sin gives power to death = destruction. However, Christ, through his death and resurrection, conquered and was victorious versus death.

In Christ, we have victory. Whatever ties us down and holds us captive can be conquered through Christ.

This section also leaves us with a challenge: To stand firm, let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord for you know that your work in the Lord is not in vain.

If we want to completely conquer the things that hold us captive in our lives, we have to stand firm and not be moved. We have to commit to Christ for He will help us.

Once we commit to Christ and stand firm against the things that hold us captive we can have freedom and victory that leads to life to the full.

John 10:10 – Christ once said, “The thief comes only to seal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”.

Christ has come to give us life to the full. Death comes to destroy, Christ comes to be victorious.

What does a full life consist of? (Let students answer)

A full life consists of peace and certainty of direction in life. It’s the knowledge that God is providing for you – meeting your needs as you move in confidence in life.

Application

So, in Christ there is victory against all things and a full life.

Scott Stapp used to be the front man of a band called “Creed” until he moronically decided to go solo – not a sermon, just a thought. However, when he was with Creed, he wrote a song called “My Own Prison”.

He said, “I wrote this song at a time in my life when I realized that I could not continue to blame others for why I was in the situations I had placed myself in. I was blaming my parents, God, and anyone I could find, when really the only blame rested with me. Hence the phrase, ‘I’ve created my own prison.”

I’m going to play that song right now and, as this song plays, I want you to think through your life. Are you a prisoner of things in your life? If so, how do you get out? How do you escape?

Play “My Own Prison” by Creed (4:58)

We have created our own prisons. We did this – not our parents, not God, not our friends. Whether you are tied down by bitterness, anger, pain, a friend, a boy/girlfriend, jealousy, drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, we have created our own prisons. What is your prison?

We are held captive and can’t get out, even if we wanted to. However, Christ, by dying on the cross, allowed us to break out of that prison, that bondage.

We don’t have to be tied down anymore. We can be victorious through Christ. “But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57)

The victory is in Jesus Christ. The question that remains is, will you allow Christ to be victorious in your life. Will you let him free you from your own prison? Or will you continue to be tied down?

When I let my own prison control my life, I’m a wreck. I may look like I have it all together on the outside, but on the inside, I am a time bomb, waiting to explode. It is only when I allow God to be victorious in my life that I realize that I don’t have to be died down or captive any longer. I can have freedom…real freedom.

Again, will you allow Christ to be victorious in your life or will you continue to be held captive in your own prison? The choice is yours. No one else’s.

This New Year let us throw out the resolutions and latch on to freedom and victory found only in Christ.

Pray